Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
