I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
