I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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