So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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