I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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