Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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