Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
