I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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