she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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