I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
