Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
