cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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