You can't special order awesome
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
