I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
