Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
