I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you win again, gameday.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
