happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've blown a few things in my day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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