just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
