Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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