I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My pussy is not your playground.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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