Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
