Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
