Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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