Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so let's talk penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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