i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
