Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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