i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
