i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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