haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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