i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
