last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
