forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I party with great urgency now.
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