hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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