the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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