Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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