Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
