She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
