You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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