i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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