The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I will die if light touches me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
