he told me I talked like a deaf person
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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