I wish you could order shots online.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
