The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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