Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
