When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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