Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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