Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
