Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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