Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
