Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
