If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
