You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Couch. On fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
