Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
