I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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