Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
