Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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