Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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