Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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