In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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