The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
