My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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