i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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