I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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