i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
