grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
