im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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