i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
