Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
