Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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