i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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