when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
