Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
