bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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