It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
