Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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